Episode 4: Promise Sequence

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Scene: A hallway in St. Theresa's School for Girls.

Chloe was unable to avoid ending with the same result as Chelle. Of the members of St. Theresa's School for Girls (BFFs Club), only Yuni was left standing.

Chloe
Guess I blew it, huh. I seriously don't know what went wrong.

Yuni
It was probably because you didn't sell any products.

Chelle
Well, anyway, you did your best.

Chloe
Pfff... With all the stuff they were saying, it was like they were making me out to be some kinda verbal abuser the entire time.

Chelle
Chloe's verbal abuse is really just her riffing off of things that other people say. But if you doesn't have someone funny nearby to be a foil, then maybe it'd be better to dial back those rash quips.

Yuni
Ordinarily, Chelle is quite the rash quipper herself, after all.

Chloe
Hey, don't leave yourself out. You do it all, Yuni, whether it's playing the fool, the clutz, the pest, or whatever. With the two of you around, the quips literally never stop.

Chelle
Ahh, so that's two failures in a row, huh...

Chloe
Guess we just don't have that business spirit...

Yuni
Now, now, do not be discouraged, my underclassmen. You still have countless opportunities ahead of you to learn these qualities. Today's failure has only revealed new paths forward.

Chloe
Eh, Yuni... What's going on, you actually sound like an upperclassman right now.

Yuni
Indeed, as an upperclassman, I am one who must set a good example for the next generation. Therefore, I have a responsibility to rise to the expectations that you two have of me.

Yuni
Chloe, Chelle. Allow me, the leader of our group, to clear away all of your regrets. I will attain absolute success in this special course.

Chelle
Yuni... I'm sorry, I misunderstood you. The truth is, I thought you were just some kind of pixie,^[1] fluttering around campus doing whatever you wanted, but I was wrong...!

Chloe
Yuni... Sorry. I shouldn't have been scaring my little brothers into behaving by telling them "you're gonna end up like Yuni." Sorry for describing you like some kinda freak.

Yuni
That's quite enough, my underclassmen. I can feel my late-blooming chest swelling with pride. I'll be unable to stop my cheeks from blushing.

Yuni
Or to express things more concisely, this is embarrassing, baby. Now then, the time has come. Allow Yuni to take the stage with everyone's hopes in hand.

Scene: A lecture hall inside St. Theresa's School for Girls.

Yuni
Pardon me.

Mifuyu
Um, you are... Yuni, aren't you.

Yuni
Indeed. I am Yuni of the "Ivory Tower," a third-year student at St. Theresa's School for Girls. However, you may affectionately address me as just Yuni. Pleased.

Tamaki
We've got another one who looks like she might be trouble. It's like this school is full of dangerous types.

Yuuki
1. "Pleased to meet you."

Yukari
You're here again! Just what kind of position are you filling today!?

Yuni
Ah, my underclassman here has been serving as my research collaborator. And as it appeared that he had previously established a most favorable rapport with the members of your honored Foundation, I resolved to bring him along in the hopes that his presence might add some amount of flexibility to this affair.

Akino
Aren't you being a bit too transparent!?

Tamaki
I have no doubt about what comes after this.

Yuni
Yuuki, please present them with the items.

Yuuki
1. "It's a bit boring, though,"

Mifuyu
An unrepentant bribe!? This time, it's an envelope...? Eh, and these pieces of paper inside the envelope couldn't possibly be... cash money!?

Tamaki
Cold hard cash!? No, no, that's definitely not okay!

Yukari
Tamaki, before we jump to conclusions, shouldn't we take a closer look?

Tamaki
Huh... What's this? ... Photos?

Yuni
Precisely. These are autographed portraits of none other than myself, reproduced using photocopying magic. According to Chelle, whose interests lie more in this area, these are called "signed prints."

Mercurius Foundation
(It really was boring after all...)

Yuni
You see, these autographs were handwritten by the inaugural guild master of "St. Theresa's School for Girls (Yunichan's)," the name of which will one day be engraved upon the annals of history. Considering their future value, these would certainly be the most valuable bribe possible.

Yuni
However, there is no need to take this into consideration during your judging. It would suffice for you to examine my project in accordance with the common standard to which all prior projects have been held.

Yukari
Huh... Is this girl joking? She can't seriously be thinking that this can pass as a bribe, can she?

Tamaki
I don't think my heart can take all of these strange characters in a row. I really wonder if this school is doing all right.

Akino
We came here to invest in promising future leaders in business, but I do feel like all we've seen are leaders in badness.

Yuni
Indeed. For I am the "bad girl" of St. Theresa's.^[2]

Yukari
I'm not sure why she looks so smug about it...

Yuki
Oh my, it appears that my comrade's preparations are complete. In that case, allow me to begin the presentation.

Akino
What exactly... is that? It looks like a round plate, but there are a number of wings attached to it.

Yuni
Listen well. This is the groundbreaking new product that I would like to present to your honored Foundation today. Its name is...

Yuni
"Soaring Yunicopter!"

Mifuyu
Soaring Yuni... uh, what was that?

Yuni
Yunicopter. This is the result of years of painstaking mechanical engineering research, which I copied from someplace else and hurriedly reworked to use magic.

Tamaki
I get where the "Yuni" part came from, but what about the "copter" part...?

Yuni
Dunno.

Yuni
Even as well-studied as I am in the field of mechanical engineering, I never encountered this term. But according to certain urban legends believed by the rabble in that department, this term refers to out-of-place artifacts that were said to be able to fly through the sky.

Mifuyu
I'm not sure I understand, but... Anyway, about this Yunicopter? What exactly does it do?

Yuni
What, indeed. You ladies should understand if I say that this device is very much like a miniature airship.

Yukari
An airship? Something that small? Then, does that mean it can fly?

Yuni
As this is only a hastily-assembled prototype, its power is rather meager, but its flight capabilities can be presented thusly...

Tamaki
Whoa!? Amazing, it really can fly! And it's even faster than I'd thought!

Mifuyu
That's really something. I'd been just about ready to give up on today's presentations, but I feel like we've finally come across something praiseworthy.

Akino
No complaints here! I have no complaints about this incredible invention!

Yuni
For one such as myself who is unused to hearing such things from others, this degree of praise does make me feel embarrassed. I had been prepared to wait until later in the presentation for this recognition.

Tamaki
You mean there's more!?

Yuni
Of course. Rather, I am only just beginning to discuss the main content of this project. Now then, everyone, I would ask you to recall those signed prints of myself.

Yukari
Actually, I was trying to forget about them. What about them?

Yuni
Heh heh, listen and fall out of your seats in surprise. For you see! These photographs were taken by this very Yunicopter!

Yuuki
1. Be surprised.
2. Fall out of your seat.

Option 1.

Yukari
Eh... What's happening with you, shouting out like you're suddenly remembering something important... That timing was honestly too spot-on...

Yuni
Heh heh... Just as dramatic as we'd planned, Yuuki. They say a thorough presentation is like a good stageplay. I am the director. Mercurius Audience Foundation, watch and be dazzled.

Option 2.

Mifuyu
Ehhh!? W-Why are you acting it out!? Quit physically endangering yourself by overreacting! I think I can can guess who put you up to this!

Yuni
Hmm... I told him to act excessively surprised here, but he may have been overacting. Perhaps telling him to "imagine a high-energy Chloe acting chelly in the head" was the wrong acting advice to give...

End of branches.

Yuni
In any case, allow me to continue explaining. The operation of the Yunicopter involves many distinct layers of magical processing.

Yuni
Principally, in addition to lift generation and autonomous steering, it has been endowed with language processing faculties. These give it the capacity to operate independently under arbitrary conditions.

Tamaki
Umm... I don't really understand.

Yuni
Pardon me, allow me to express things more concisely. Um, it flies on its own and takes photos on its own.

Mifuyu
You might be overselling it. Though, if you're serious, then it would be a really interesting product.

Akino
To imagine a practical use case, you would be able to photograph distant scenery while staying in the comfort of your own home.

Yuni
Precisely. Along those lines, the entire reason I decided to pursue this project was because I thought going outside was too troublesome.

Akino
It flies on its own and takes photos on its own... That's how you described it, but would it be possible for us to see it in action here?

Yuni
That was my plan, of course. Then, I need a suitable subject -- something to serve as its target.

Tamaki
Make it a cat! I want you to take pictures of a cat!

Yuni
A cat... I see, cats have remarkable agility and stealth capabilities. This would make a perfect opportunity to demonstrate the tracking abilities of the Yunicopter.

Yuni
In that case, Comrade Yuuki. Please excuse me for asking so many errands of you...

Later.

Yuni
... There we are.

Cat
Meow...

Yuni
My, it looks like my gallant collaborator has brought a stray cat, Nyantaro (provisional name), that had been living in a field adjacent to this schoolhouse.

Akino
Sir Yuuki... Are you all right? You have scratches all over your face...

Yuni
Thank you, comrade...! I will never forget the blood that you sacrificed for your devotion...!

Yuni
Now, moving on, firstly, I will set the target of the Yunicopter to be the subject. As a result of some amount of conditioning, the Yunicopter is well-adapted to tracking living creatures like cats.

Yuni
Because of this, once the Yunicopter has registered "cat" as its "photograph target," it will begin taking photos of it upon discovery. It will automatically follow and take photos. It will continue to take photos all the way to the ends of the earth.

Yuni
... Actually, I exaggerated somewhat. It will not continue all the way to the ends of the earth, but only until its charged magical energy expires.

Yukari
That's already incredible enough -- this really is remarkable technology.

Yuni
If only the scientific community would recognize my publications as honestly. ... Now then, configuration is complete. The live demonstration will now begin.

Yuni
Soaring Yunicopter, launch! Your target is "cat" -- photograph it to the ends of the earth!

Cat
Meow...

Yunicopter
Pon! Locked onto target "cat!" Switching to automatic following mode!

Tamaki
It talked! It's flying and talking at the same time!

Yuni
Yes, in order to make its operation easy to understand for all those present, I boarded... or rather, equipped it with my talking pet rock Rosetta, which is in charge of broadcasting its status.

Rosetta
Activating photography magic! Activating photography magic!

Akino
Wonderful! It's chasing that cat around so nimbly, capturing a stream of photographs from all angles!

Rosetta
Activating photography magic! Activating photography magic!

Tamaki
Amazing! What an unbelievable invention!

Yuni
Mm, filching another's research... or rather, retrofitting it, was certainly a good call. Heh heh, I have no doubt that if those people could see me now, they would be groveling at my feet.

Yuni
Those closed-minded geriatrics at the mechanical engineering department, with all their meaningless complaints like, "it should be called Yunipter instead of Yunicopter."

Yuni
Hmph, those so-called scientists are apt to deliver such remarks. Their brains are so calcified that they cannot adapt to new ideas. Do they think there are no numbers between 0 and 1? Hah, I know better.

Yukari
W-What's going on with her. She suddenly started angrily muttering something...

Yuni
Yunicopter is a far superior name to Yunipter. This is because of meter, feeling, and other assorted reasons. To those pretentious old scientists, I would speak up for the humanities and say, "gain some appreciation for aesthetics, pbbbbbth."

Mifuyu
I-Is that right... Sounds like you have it rough...

Mifuyu
Um... But isn't fussing over etymologies something that people in the humanities usually do?

Yuni
I said not to pose such an unromantic argument to me. Are you a pretentious scientist? Gain some appreciation for aesthetics!

Tamaki
N-Nya!? W-What's going on!?

Akino
... Oh? Tamaki, what's happened?

Rosetta
Pon! Discovered another entity matching the target description! Changing targets! Following the new entity!

Tamaki
S-Stop, I'm not a cat! You're supposed to be taking pictures of that one! That cat! W-Where are you pointing that!?

Akino
What... is happening here? The Yunicopter seems to be chasing Tamaki around, does it not?

Yuni
Hmm, perhaps the target description was too vague. Thinking back, the features I had configured it to look for were catlike ears, a catlike tail, and a catlike voice.

Rosetta
Ears, tail, and meow features have been detected with over 50% confidence! Target defined as "cat!" Taking pictures to the ends of the earth!

Tamaki
Y-You're wrong! I'm a cat, but I'm not really a cat! Stop chasing meee!

Yuni
Now, now, please calm down, Miss Tamaki. If you stopped fleeing, the Yunicopter would not need to chase you.

Yukari
Well, the thing is... She has, uh, I guess you could call it an occupational disease... I can't explain it well, but she has an instinctive dislike of being observed or recorded.

Mifuyu
Yuni, stop it from following her for now. If Tamaki keeps running around inside the schoolhouse like this, it could make a mess of things.

Yuni
That would certainly be troublesome. Understood.

Yuni
OK, Yunicopter, change your definition. The one you're chasing right now is "not a cat."

Rosetta
Pon! Warning, Dr. Yuni! Definition changes are locked! Definitions cannot currently be changed!

Yuni
Huh? Ahh, that's right, I put those measures in place because I was afraid of accidentally overwriting the definitions. Dear, dear, as times change, so must we change with them.

Yuni
OK, Yunicopter, are you a pretentious scientist? This is an urgent situation, and I require a flexible response. Immediately change that definition to "not a cat!"

Rosetta
Popa!? Not a, cat... But it is a cat... Not a... ca... t...? Pon! Definitions of "cat" conflicted! Contradiction! Contradiction!

Yuni
What's this? Wait, Yunicopter, don't give up on understanding yet. It couldn't possibly... mean to execute that, could it?

Rosetta
Popi, a fatal error has occurred... Executing contradiction-erasing program... Popa, pi....

Akino
What's this... Yuni? What's happening...?

Yuni
Hmm... By the way, ladies. Did you know, there is a theory that the universe began with a massive explosion?

Akino
Huh...

Yuni
One can liken this to how, throughout history too, all manner of civilizations have risen, fallen, and risen again. In general, the old is destroyed, and the new takes its place.

Yuuki
1. "To express things more concisely?"

Yuni
The old is about to be destroyed. Everyone, please take cover. I will erect a barrier to shield us. As I stated, this is a prototype model with many flaws.

Tamaki
What flaws!?

Yuni
That I do not know. This is a black box from the mechanical engineering department. However, I dare say that if I were them, it would be...

Rosetta
Self-destruct sequence, activate!

Yuni
That the invention explodes.

Mercurius Foundation
Eh?

In the hallway.

Chloe
Kyaaaaa!?

Chelle
W-What's going on with this explosion!?

Chloe
I, I don't know... Pfff, that was a shock.

Chelle
H-Huh? I thought I heard a super cute scream coming from over here... I wonder who it was. I hope that girl is all right.

Chloe
Who knows. Maybe you were imagining it.

Back in the room.

Yuni
... And there you have it. With the engulfing of my Yunicopter in the explosive flames of rebirth, my presentation has come to an end.

Rosetta
Pofu... Now then, let's hear your judgment!

Akino
No rupees.

Mifuyu
No rupees.

Yukari
No rupees.

Tamaki
No rupees.

Yuuki
1. "It's a no-rupee finish."

Yuni
How curt.

After the virgin flight of the "Soaring Yunicopter" ended in this unfortunate demonstration, Yuni's commercialization plan was unanimously rejected.

Scene: A lecture hall inside St. Theresa's School for Girls.

Yuni
... Well, I've returned. As the last hope of Yunichan's, I fought valiantly, but I experienced an unfortunate accident...

Chloe
Oh, doc, you're just in time -- gimme a shoulder rub.

Chelle
I'm hungry, buy me some bread please.

Yuni
Oh, I'd be happy to!

Yuni
... Not. You two, expecting your upperclassman to go along with such gags when she's saddled with unfamiliar heartbreak is certainly some ghastly behavior. What happened to those reverent looks of expectation from before I left?

Yuni
... Well, in truth, this is my just deserts for failing to deliver a result worthy of your expectations. I am sorry, my underclassmen.

Chloe
Huh? Nah, I mean... We could all say the same thing.

Chelle
Yeah! We all went down in flames together, as friends! Nice, right? It's just like us! Don't you think, Yuuki?

Yuuki
1. "We're all friends!"

Yuni
M-My underclassmen...! You all are...!

Chelle
All's well, nya!

Chloe
Happily ever after.

Chloe
So, let's head back quick... Oh, Chelle, we're done with that noisy doll of yours, so I'm throwing it away.

Chelle
Hold it right there. Yuni and Chloe made this doll just for me, so I'll take responsibility for it for all my life. I'll go to sleep with it at night.

Yuni
Taking Chellese lessons in your sleep, huh. That will surely give you nightmares.

Chloe
Oh, nice. Isn't that a good idea? We can slip these dolls under Merc F's pillows as they sleep. It'll be like our divine retribution, making them all chelly in the head.

Chelle
Mercurius Foundation, more like Chellcurius Foundation! Chelluun!

Yuni
Yes, I concur. This marks the start of a new chapter of our guild activities. We'll call it, "Yunichan's Counterattack ~ The Foundation Tainted with Insanity!"

Chelle
That's right. We'll call it, "BFFs Club Counterattack ~ The Foundation Tainted with Insanity!"

Scene: A hallway in St. Theresa's School for Girls.

Yukari
... I feel like I'm hearing some kind of frightening plan being hatched in the hallway.

Tamaki
I hope they're joking, but I'm gonna make sure to lock all the doors and windows, just in case.

Mifuyu
Whew... That was the last presentation, right? Things went off without a hitch... Well, maybe that can't really be said, but at least we made it through somehow.

Yukari
I wasn't sure what to expect when Mother Hilda described this special course at this historically prestigious school to us...

Tamaki
There were some pretty good presentations, and the unsuccessful ones should also have been good experience for those girls, so I'd call it a big success overall.

Akino
... A big success, you said? But we're not nearly finished yet!

Tamaki
What!?

Mifuyu
Eh, wait, Akino...?

Akino
Everyone, have you forgotten the goal of this course? This is a "Special Course on Teaching Business Spirit!"

Akino
It's regrettable that that there was nobody who was capable of securing any funding this time. However! It wouldn't be acceptable at all to simply end things there!

Akino
What manner of instructors would we be, if we left without ever giving our students a proper example to follow!?

Mifuyu
Ah... Whenever Akino gets this fired up about anything, bad things usually follow...

Yukari
I'd thought that she was being pretty docile throughout this, but...

Tamaki
She's back to the way she usually is...

Akino
We of the Mercurius Foundation must put our full efforts towards teaching our students by example! We must show them a truly world-class business idea!

Tamaki
Let's cut to the chase. What exactly are you planning?

Akino
Ha ha, what indeed... Incidentally, Mifuyu, Yukari, Tamaki. Throughout this special course, who were the students that left the strongest impression on you?

Mifuyu
That would be...

Tamaki & Yukari & Mifuyu
... The BFFs Club.

Akino
So we're all in agreement, after all! In that case, we'll get started right away!

Tamaki
Get started on what!?

Akino
By gathering up excellent ideas and merging them into one, something even greater will be born! That's the golden rule of business!

After that, Akino's orders rang out sonorously. In the end, the members of the Mercurius Foundation were the ones with extra classwork.